Can we say it together? Hope?

Well, fairly drunken weekend. Had the Official Out of Office Gathering, done, thankfully. Drank too much of course, but it was actually more fun then I thought it would be. Of course the Turkeese showed up, not for dinner but for drinks. I really don't know what their damn problem is but I was getting shot with daggers all night. Bitches!

So I spent Sunday on the couch trying not to barf and was successful, Yeah me!

Yesterday was the much anticipated New Doctor specialist appointment. In the morning I went to the chiro since it has been almost a year. Oh my word, HEAVEN! I was a new woman after that. So I was feeling great, yet the fear of once again being treated like a crazy woman when seeing a doctor for my recurrent losses did get me a bit stressed.

Well, Steve went with me and we made it to the hospital without getting lost and we were even a bit early. Got in and spoke with the nurse, very nice person. Explained what we had been going through and also explained that we just needed to find out if it was ever going to be a possibility to get a baby out of this deal or not and that we would only be going as far as treatment that we could get covered under my crap ass insurance.

So the doctor came in and actually, I still can't believe it, listened to what I had to say. He agreed with me, yes I know hard to believe, that the blip on the radar last year in February was actually another pregnancy and not left over tissue from the first loss. Yeah!

He expressed concern that 2 D&Cs in 7 months time could really be the cause of my fucked up periods. YES! So we have a game plan and most if not all will be covered by the insurance because the doctor's office will code it for fucked up periods and general suckass female parts. Woo Hooo!!!!!!

So he did the whole up the Hoo haa thing. Oh, I found out yesterday that I had an abnormal pap when that was done last July. This after the one when I was first pregnant and then had to have that lovely coposcopy thingy. He said that he would not have had that done at that time since the female body will in about 90% of the cases heal that problem on it's own without the need for medical intervention. So great, that was a waste of time and potentially could cause a problem with the cervix for future pregnancies. Great! Not!
So test done yesterday, pap, ureaplasm bacteria test, blood test for Thyroid. I was under the impression that I had the Thyroid thing done but the Prolactin is actually a Pituatary (sp?) test. Basically not something that would or should be looked at at this point in the game. Oh well, it was done.

So we wait for the Thyroid and all the other test results to come back, hopefully some news by the end of the week. Then the next step is to do the FSH on day 3 of next cycle. This will let us know if perhaps I am going through the "change". Then if that is normal we proceed to the HSG dye and X-ray of the uterus to see if the D&Cs have caused scarring or adhesions which would be causing the screwed up periods.

Ok, now I had asked my Ob doctor here about all of this and was told that the D&Cs wouldn't be causing my period to have changed, this doctor felt otherwise. Hmmm.
Asked about getting the Ureaplasm test done and was told that was not necessary. Hmmm.
Asked about the HSG and was told that there was no reason to do it. Hmmm.

This doctor that I met yesterday said that my chart said I was offered all of this testing and that I refused it. I explained to him that I had asked for it and was told that it wasn't necessary. I was also told, by previous doctors, that "there is a 50% chance that we will not find something wrong if we do all this testing." Yes and there is a 50% chance that we will find something. However, there is a 100% chance that we won't find anything wrong if we don't fucking look!

Now we wait and I actually have had a weight lifted from my shoulders and that scarey, scarey word, Hope has reentered my vocabulary for now. All of the test that were done and will be done, if they show something abnormal, are fixable and I should have had them before now. I guess, better late then never and it is still not too late to find out, fix and hopefully be successful.

Please keep your fingers crossed that something shows up. How awful is that to ask for thoughts for something bad to show up on test results? Only in the Land of Blog and dealing with this crap we all go through.

Maybe before Alex graduates from High School he will no longer be an only child? Now we wait.

Take care and have a great week. Schedule ahead is not too exciting so doubtful that another post will be forthcoming this week unless the doctor calls with results that will point us in a new direction.

Have to make an apology

R & D, my dear Phriends. Was not referencing you in the December Rant regarding the New Year's eve party and the BORING. Really. I just was reading through all my lovely posts and since you now know where to find me when I saw that I thought I better clarify. If I would have known for sure you were to be there, I would have clarified at the time. I always have phun with you two.
How did I do on describing Jo to the world though? You better not share this address with any of the rest of the gang.

On to other news, it is Friday. Woo Hooo!!! The one Turkoose is here and doing her normal loud whiny routine. I really wish I could just smack her on the back of the head. But that would most likely bring on more whining and we don't want that around here.

So the big office WhoHa tomorrow night. I really don't even want to go. I just want to stay home and sleep I am so tired, and no not pregnant. I took the last of the pregnancy tests Wednesday night and nada. So hopefully the doc on Monday can figure out what my physical problems are. We will leave the mental problems for the professionals in that field.

Happy weekend and hope you all have a great one.

Once again, following the in crowd

You Are Fozzie Bear

"Wocka! Wocka!" You're the life of the party, and you love making people crack up. If only your routine didn't always bomb! You may find more groans than laughs, but always keep the jokes coming.

The Muppet Personality Test

So I had to since I am Fozzie Bear. Something to smile about while we await the weekend. I will post on Tuesday with the results of the meeting with the new doc. Hopefully he isn't as big of a shithead as Dr. My Life Sucks. So stay tuned for hopefully good news. Just my like he will tell me I am going through menopause. That would suck. No hot flashes yet though, which I could use at night since the house is so dang cold. ;) Ok, merry fucking sunshine looking for a positive in the old sewer pipe here.

Phrozen Pipes

Well, we got the furniture moved thanks to my Phriend R, my crabby husband who had to get a talking to from R's wonderful wife D. Ended up getting a stinking Uhaul but we got it done and it actually took up less space then I thought it would in my in-laws basement. (the spelling F words with Ph is a joke and I may tell that story some day)
Of course then the one weekend we leave home it has to get down to -30 with the windchill according to my neighbor and the damn pipes froze. So we get home at 9:30 on Sunday night, no water so I couldn't wash my face or brush my teeth or even wash my damn hands. It sucked!
Got up Monday morning and I really do not know what I would have done for all these years of trailer living with out my neighbor John. He has saved my butt so many times with all the lovely issues that go on with that stupid trailer. We borrowed a bullet heater from him and by 10:30 the ice plug that thankfully was in where the pipes are still metal and not in the plastic pipes let loose.
Prior to this though I was playing Little Trailer on the Prairie, chipping ice off of the deck and out of the yard to melt on the stove to have water to wash my face and hands.
It took quite a while for the water to actually get hot because it had to melt out that ice plug and probably other spots of ice build up in the lines but I got it done. It was so nice to finally take a shower too. Steve said he has never seen anyone be so excited to have water as I was that day.
Other news, same old shit. Just waiting to go see the new doctor on Monday and hope to get some answers.

Oh yeah! We have ice!

Yes, finally winter decides to appear in Wisconsin and what do we get here in the furthest fucking southeast corner of hell? Ice. Not nice fluffy white stuff to send the kids out to play in, no, that might make a parent's life easy. No, we get rain/sleet/snot falling from the sky most of yesterday and then the temperature drops to almost zero. Oh the joys of dealing with that. Thankfully I shoveled the super heavy wet crap out from the end of the driveway last night before heading out to aerobics. By the time we left the school where are class is the crap had frozen solid and I would have probably popped a tire trying to leave for work this morning as it only continued to get colder through the night.

And the damn garbage men didn't come yesterday so my can and recycle bin are, I am very sure, full of the lovely rain combo that fell most of the day and are most likely frozen to the ground. Oh joy. And where the fuck were the garbage men? Hello, it was Thursday, GARBAGE DAY which made me late for work yesterday as I forgot until I was pulling out of the driveway that I hadn't cleaned the cat boxes and emptied the garbage cans so had to go back and do that only to come home to the full can of stinking ass garbage in the drive still. Good thing it is cold or that shit would be ripe!

So, aren't you glad I shared that with you my garbage and weather dilema? I know you are you just don't want to admit it.

As I was popping through my fellow bloggers I see some are having a few good days and others not so good. Why can't it just get easy for us?

My dear Lola over at When Eggs Go Bad had some good news but it made her sad and I do so wish that I could just pop over and give her a hug. It was good news from a friend that made her cry. I know how she feels and I feel her pain. So stop over and give her a cyberhug on my behalf. My attempt at a good deed for a Friday. I really love that girl.

As I was drifting off to sleep last night I had so many wonderful blog posts drifting through the grey matter and can I remember one this morning? Of course not. So just imagine what creative, witty, delightful things I meant to say and insert them here....................................................(dramatic pause)

Ok, see, aren't I just so clever that I came up with all of those? Yeah, ok, crazy may be a better fit then clever but hey this is my blog.

The headache front, I do believe that it is coming from this fucking pain in my damn neck that is making it difficult to turn my head. Damn trying to take a nap on the couch with out disturbing the cats or using a decent pillow.

I got my state tax return back. Woooo HOOOOOOOOO! Money, money, money. Now where did I put the check so I can send it to the bank? Ok, I guess I have a project for today.

Still bleeding and as of this morning it is flowing pretty good. Which is a good thing. Did I ever post that this whole being excited about my ding dang period is just strange? Oh well, it would be nice to have a normal one again that last for more then just one day. 15 years ago, I would have given anything for a one day period versus the 7 to 9 day ones I was having. Apparently my prayers do get answered just 15 years TOO FUCKING LATE! Now at this rate by the time I am 55 I should be pregnant. How exciting, NOT! What the hell, let's just go for the world record, what is it by the way? 65? 70? Bring on that ancient secret recipe that will extend the life of my eggs. Oh yeah, could you see that happening? Where is a time machine when you need one? I would go back to 15 years ago and instead of wishing that my period would get here because I was a day late and didn't want to be pregnant, I would be oh yeah, bring on the baby and then pop back to now time and WahLah, I would be with child. Ok, blood sugar low, better go eat.

Congrats to Manuela on her diet program. You go girl! I have no will power for dieting and my excuse is no time too. So I have to give the ones who can actually do it all the credit in the world.

Have a lovely weekend and I will be watching my husband hurt himself in the attempt to play basketball. Big alumni tourny this weekend and the idiot doesn't play ball except for this one weekend a year. Plus after sitting on a plane all day coming home from California, yeah, poor baby, he will be so stiff and tired. It will be fun to watch.

Bite My Behind!

Yeah, so we got full blown cramps, black slime and headache going on today. Yeah me! Oh yeah, and positives popping up all over and "Oh that is so great!" and "congratulations!" all over the place yet when I need just a "So sorry" do I get a thing? Hell NO! That might mean someone gave a shit if I even was over there. So Bite Me!
Oh yeah and sent flowers and did I get a thank you? Of course not. Ok, reread what I wrote earlier here and boy was I feeling sorry for me.

Ok, feeling very, very sorry for me today. You would think that after 6 months the arrival of the Bloody Plague wouldn't bother me but I let myself have hope, that fucking, suck word this month and see where it got me? Right here in suckass job world, husband on the other side of the country, snow this morning with freezing rain and more snow on the way. Oh yeah, I know everyone just wants to be me today.

So this means for sure no furniture moving, which at least with the Bloody Plague showing I could lift all the heavy shit to my heart's content.

Oh and I only have the Baja Peninsula of Mexico on my head today instead of the entire country. See I had to switch countries so that I wasn't always picking on Canada. Any suggestions for the next country to be sitting on my head?

Ok, enough whining, move on, grow up, get a hobby, quit your job, relax, spend $20,000 on treatment that may or may not work, just shoot yourself. Yeah, heard them all too have you? Isn't it great.

The next lovely thing that will happen will be that the most annoying of the two Turkeese here at work will be announcing that she is knocked up. The world will be in trouble if that thing reproduces. We really do not need more of that running around. I may have to take a leave of absence if that did happen, which I am being a very evil, old lady who probably should just be giving up on the hope of ever having another child. I hope she can't get pregnant and then maybe the little bitch will quit looking down her nose at me for all of my failures. And yes I still have a cigarette, but had cut down alot, yet I get that little pinch faced, pained expression when I pass her in the hall and oh my God, have the nerve to smile and say hi to the bitch. Yeah, and her husband who also works here is related to me. His mother is my grandpa's cousin. The grandpa that just died.

So hope you all have a much better day because really I think I have it covered for a really shitty day so you all can just thank me later for being the point guard on shittiness for the day and sparing you all any problems. Winning lottery tickets will be acceptable forms of payment too. Just kidding, I love my friends in the Land of Blog and wish you all good luck in lottery land. Ok, losing my train of thought and will leave you now on that note. Have a great day!

Ok, I do have one positive note for the day. My new shelving unit will be here soon so then I can spend the day in the file room, away from the tempation of certain sites to see if anyone gives a rats ass if I am ok and from the damn phones where idiot consultants who can't read the damn code want me to hold their hands all day. So there!

Today

Well today we have Mexico as the visiting country sitting upon my poor little head. What the heck is going on with me and these freaking damn headaches? It is so bad that I can hardly see straight enough to type so please forgive any typos that may appear. This all started yesterday after I dropped Steve off at the airport for his adventure to a conference in San Jose.
When I left work at 11:30 to go home and pick him up for the trip to the airport I almost had to pull over and barf but I sucked it up as my "niece" Madelaine would say. I made Steve drive to the airport and after leaving him to fend for himself with getting through ticketing and all that jazz finally got home without messing up my car. Every little smell, car exhaust, food, everything made me want to hurl. Then the little niggling ( I really like that word ;0) pain started at the back of my head. So I tried to take a nap to see if that would help but as soon as I laid down and the cats all got comfy on my legs, belly and chest the pain really kicked in. It never did go away and is still here and getting worse.
So who the heck knows what is wrong, perhaps the Bloody Plague will arrive and relieve the pressure and then it will be better.
So I was supposed to get all the furniture out of my grandpa's house this weekend. Of course Mother Nature had to change all those plans on me. We are supposed to get around 8 inches of snow here and over a foot up by my grandpa's house. So my cousin's husband who was to be the furniture hauler on Saturday called me last night to tell me that if we do get the snow that is predicted he will be unable to haul my shit because he has a side business of plowing driveways and will be busy doing that all weekend. GREAT!!! Not a big deal if the house wasn't already sold and we only had until March 1st to get all our shit out of there. So please have a talk with Mother Nature to not dump on us like she wants to so that I can get my shit out of the house. This is the only time I can between now and the 1st.
Next weekend I have this silly Office Gathering Dinner that I get stuck planning every year and that my coworkers are complete dickheads and totally unappreciative to me about planning. These lovely people hound me until I organize it and then bitch about everything. I am going to tell them that this is my last year and that someone else is more then free to plan the next one if they so choose. Done with the crap.
If only I could win even a part of the freaking lottery. I could then take the required "3 months off of work" as prescribed by Dr. My Life Sucks. Oh well. I suppose it could be worse, I could get fired for posting to my blog on work time.

UPDATE 4:00 pm

Well, I just went to the bathroom and there was pink when I wiped and I feel kind of crampy. So I am thinking the Bloody Plague is going to show up early this month. I was getting kind of hopeful, I guess that is what I get for thinking that there was hope still available for me. Well, one good thing will be that when I see the specialist it will be with a clean slate and maybe we can get something figured out. This sucks. 6 months. Too damn long.

What is going on with me?

Ok, since Sunday the 5th the "girls" have been sore for the majority of the day. What the heck? I was kind of bloated feeling and not being very nice to Steve when he wanted to do the deed. So I won't know anything for sure until Friday and I am excited but scared that the Bloody Plague will be making an appearance. Also scared that if I am really not going to get the Bloody Plague, will it work this time? Then do I still go see the specialist on the 27th? All these questions.
I am sending my husband off to California this afternoon and he will not be back until Friday. So I will be getting some good sleep time with him gone and not have to wear my ear plugs, yeah! My ears can breathe. They will be so very happy.

The Turkeese are at it full power this morning. I wish I could just smack them both. Ugh!

Have to go this weekend and make room at my in-laws for all the stuff I am getting from my grandparent's house. Watch, the Bloody Plague won't arrive and I will be freaking out about lifting anything since I did that at 8 weeks with the first one and started to bleed right after moving everything from my house when it sold that year. Oh well. I guess we just wait and see, which I really hate to do since I have no patience at all.

So wish me luck and I don't even know which way I am leaning in what I want anymore. I am so confused these days about what I even want. It has just been so long and so much bad news the past year that I don't even know what I want or need other then I do know that I want to win the lottery and to be able to quit this stinking, suck ass job.

So isn't this just one of the most wonderfully delightful posts ever? Ok, I know, BOOORRRRIIIINNNGGG! Sorry. I can't be the life of the party all the time.

Thanks for being here for me in spirit.

There is and you are!

If there is someone on your blogroll who makes your world a better place just because that person exists and who you would not have met (in real life or not) without the internet, then post this same sentence on your blog.

Thank you for having been there when I needed you and for sticking by me through it all.

Sorry it took so long

Sorry that it has taken so long to get back here and post. I know that you have all been wondering where the heck I disappeared to. (Yeah right)

Well, I think my last post ended with getting my call from the Bimbo. I did check on the online court records that she did actually file for support so who knows what that actually means. So then it has only been 2 months that Dopey hasn't been paying support but the child support agency is all over that now that they have another claimant on his ass. So they sent a letter to him and copied me that he is now in contempt of court and blah blah blah. If they can find him they can keep him.

So, I found out yesterday after being gone for the first 3 days of this week that I did not get the job. So now I get to look for houses. So that is ok with me. Kind of bummed about the job but oh well, their loss, not mine. I was so hoping though after Lorem and Lola got their new jobs that I would be next. Maybe I need to change to an L name for Luck?

Well, my grandpa died on Friday the 3rd. Mom called me to let me know. Alex and I drove up on Saturday to help with cleaning out the old farm house and splitting up all the crap between the 5 cousins. Then the funeral was on Monday. Took Mom and Dad to Grandma's in Milwaukee on Wednesday so that they could catch their plane at the butt crack of dawn on Thursday morning. They made it Phoenix and are driving to Mexico today.

Now, I have had super sore boobs for 4 days. Up until last month I never had boob soreness prior to my period. So as much as I want to stay calm this continuance of soreness is only getting my freaking hopes up. If I actually ovulated according to FF it would have been Friday or Saturday since I wasn't doing a very good job of filling in that stupid chart. We did the deed on Thursday. My boobs started to hurt on Monday. I know that it would be way too early for symptoms to be here already and also way too early to pee on a stick. So someone reach out and slap me and tell me it is just the Bloody Plague preparing to strike. If it is the BP then I want it to come by next Friday if not sooner so that it is over and done and all cleared out for my appointment with the specialist on the 27th.

So, see why I haven't been posting? Not too awful much to say. The lesbian cats had their stitches taken out last week so that is all good. They have to go in on Saturday for booster shots. The lesbianism that they were so blatant about showing to the world is tapering off. It was kind of cute to see the little cuddle pile but not when they were licking each other's butts when sitting on my lap. So now they are nice to poor old Jack and all three cuddle up together. They rarely fight now which is sooooooo nice. No more cat fights and yowling in the middle of the night with lamps or plants crashing everywhere.

So I am just kind of here and blah. Ready for the weekend and time to relax. Please tell me not to take any tests for at least another week? HELP ME!!!!!!